


All That I Was

by MidnightDelirium



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Qui-Gon Jinn Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28488057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightDelirium/pseuds/MidnightDelirium
Summary: In the end, everything came down to individual choices.Warning: This will be a very slowly update fic. Read at your own risk.Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Relationships: Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 13
Kudos: 40





	1. Prologue: And You Were Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be working on my other WIP, but this won't leave my head. Also, take this as fair warning, I don't have a clear plan for this, so update might be very VERY slow, especially since writing is really hard for me.

“Sure, you are?” Yoda said, ancient eyes heavy with sorrow. The figure knelt across from him slumped even further, head almost touching the ground.

“Yes, Grandmaster. There is nothing left for me here.”

“False, that is. Yet, see it, you will not. Wait, you should, until awaken, he does.”

“I cannot, Master. I do not have the strength nor have I the courage for that.”

“Stronger than most, you are,” Yoda disagreed, reaching forward to place a hand on the bowed head.

“Not enough. Never enough.”

“Stop you, I cannot. But know this, you will. A place with us, you shall always have. Only ask, you must.”

“Thank you, Master,” Obi-Wan said and stood up. He executed a perfect bow to the Grandmaster, and left, whispering as he went “But I doubt that is true.”

————————————————

Obi-Wan made his way to the medical ward. He did not recall the journey there, only looked up when he realized he was infront of Qui-Gon’s bed. His master was so pale, dwarfed in the large bed made to accommodate species twice his size. If not for the steady sound of the heart monitor, Obi-Wan would have thought that the Sith had succeeded. But there it was. His master’s heart was beating along—slow and strong.

Yoda’s words reverberated in his mind, eatting away at his resolve. Perhaps he should wait until Qui-Gon wake up. But as he thought it, doubt crept in. He did not trust himself to have the strength to leave once he see those ocean eyes again. It was best that he leave now. To take with him what was left of his dignity and wounded pride, instead of being drag screaming away to make space for his Master’s new charge.

Mind made up, Obi-Wan approached the sleeping figure. He lowered his head until his forehead touched Qui-Gon’s and closed his eyes, reveling in his Master’s presence one last time. When he opened them again, he thought that he saw Qui-Gon’s eyes fluttered. But after minutes without change, Obi-Wan chalked it up to his desperate imagination. Shifting his focus down to Qui-Gon’s lips, Obi-Wan let out a whispered, “I love you”. His lips were only a hair breathe away from Qui-Gon’s, but he did not dare to close the remaining space. This kiss was not his to give nor was his to take. He stayed still for a few minutes longer, then straighten his spine and gave Qui-Gon one last bow.

“I will miss you”. With those words, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Padawan was no more.

He walked away then, without any tear left to shed—those had ran dry days before.When the healers informed him that he had used up all of himself to heal Qui-Gon. He had refute their claim. But tried as he might, he could not run from the truth. He could feel it. The emptiness. That deepest part of himself was now a barren wasteland. “Highly improbable”, the healers had said when he asked about his recovery of the Force. He had rebelled once more at those two words, screaming his rage and shock. What was he, if he could no longer be a Jedi. And when he could no longer scream, he had wept. Wept for his lost of a future that could have been. Yet, as he walked from Qui-Gon’s room now, he could not bring himself to regret his actions, for his heart was still alive, even if he had to leave it behind.

Only a short time later, Obi-Wan found himself back in front of familiar quarters. Upon entering, he spied Anakin curled up on the couch. The boy was twitching in his sleep, arms fold tightly to his chest while his legs kicked in aborted motions. “No. No. NO! MOM!” The boy screamed and thrashed, arms flung wide. Obi-Wan ran forward and pulled Anakin into a hug, holding his limbs tight lest the boy injured himself. “No, please. No,” Anakin whimpered, still deep in the thrall of his nightmare. Obi-Wan stroked the young boy’s hair, gently singing a lullaby he had learnt from a mission long ago. When Anakin finally settled down, Obi-Wan carried the boy to his own room and tucked him in.

Once again, Obi-Wan came to a decision. A last gift he had to give. He packed up his meager belongings, only taking some clothes, the river stone, and enough credits for a one way trip. He placed his lightsaber on the bedside table, wrapped neatly in a piece of leather.

“Be a good Padawan to him, Anakin Skywalker. And be the Jedi that I can never be,” Obi-Wan said.

Nine hours later, Shmi Skywalker left Tatooine as a free woman.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the plot lines for this story several time. But I think I have something I like now. So here is chapter two.  
> Hope you guys enjoy.

“Mission for you, we have,” Master Yoda announced, his voice tinny through the hologram. “Track down Prince Male’k, you will. Last seen on Ryloth, he was. Closest, you and Padawan Skywalker are. Accept, do you?”

“Yes, Master.”

“Good. Send to your datapad, information will be. May the Force be with you.”

“And you, Master Yoda.” At that, the hologram flickered and died, leaving Master Qui-Gon Jinn to be illuminated by the glow of passing stars.

“Another lost prince? How many incompetent royalty will be have to track down, Master?” Anakin huffed out from Qui-Gon’s left.

“Patience, Padawan. You do not know the exact of the mission yet.”

“What is there to know? Another prince got wasted partying too hard and miss his curfew. Now his parents are throwing their weight around to get their precious boy back.”

“In this case, Anakin, the prince was kidnapped by a rogue faction to frame the neighboring planet in hope of inciting war.”

“Hmm. That doesn’t change the fact that we can be doing a lot more good. We could be cleaning out the slave dens on Kessel or on Tatooine. We can be doing anything else than all of these diplomatic missions.”

“So in your mind, saving slaves, one by one, is better than helping to put in place the structures that can help to stop wars before they start out? To create law that make slavery illegal?”

“No. That’s not. No. Of course those things are better. But why can’t we help the slaves that we’ve come across? We could have save so many!”

“I understand your frustration, Anakin. But you need to remember that on those planets, slavery is not illegal. And if we want to have the standing to make treaties in the future in hope of abolishing these wrongs, we cannot be seen as those whom do not respect the law themselves, no matter how abhorrent those law is. Do you understand?”

“I guess. But I just wish that I could have done more. I could have save them.”

Qui-Gon reached out to place a hand on Anakin’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “I know, Ani. You are a generous boy with a big heart. But do not let it be the only thing to lead your action. Trust in the Force. She will not lead you wrong if you listen.”

“Yes, Master. Should I set our course for Ryloth?” Anakin straightened up on the pilot seat, brows furrowed in concentration.

“Yes, please. I’ll get our kits prep.” Qui-Gon got up and ruffled Anakin’s hair.

“ACK! Master! I’m not a child anymore.” Anakin protested with a grin.

“Indulge your old Master, Padawan. Oh, and Anakin,” Qui-Gon turned back to look at Anakin. “If the situation allows it, and if you know for sure that you can’t be caught, there is no harm in a missing slave here or there.”

Anakin’s grin grew wider. His eyes reflected the mischief shown in Qui-Gon’s own. “Understood.” With that, they both set about their tasks.

——————————————————————————————————————————

“Master, we are descending in 15 minutes.”

“Did you get landing permission?” Qui-Gon emerged at the walkway, two kits in hands.

“I could not get through to the operator, but I have send multiple transmissions declaring our intention to land.”

“Hopefully that will be good enough.”

“It’ll have to be, Master. We do not have enough fuel to idle for long.”

“I thought you fuel up before we left. How are we already dry?”

Anakin ducked his head, shoulders rising up to his ears.

“Anakin?”

“I… uh overslept?” Anakin looked at Qui-Gon with a sheepish smile.

“Anakin,” Qui-Gon pinched the bridge of his nose. “You are lucky we got this mission. If we are still on our way back to Coruscant, we would have been stranded.”

“It won’t happen again, Master. Promise!”

“And why do I doubt that?” Qui-Gon mumbled to himself as he sat down at the co-pilot chair.

“Buckle in, Master Qui-Gon. We are descending.”

Qui-Gon did as Anakin said, than sat back to brace himself. Anakin was a brilliant pilot, but his landings left much to be desired.

“Hmm. This is weird.” Anakin frowned and flipped through a few switches on the console.

“What is it, Anakin?”

“Our radar is picking up some strange signal. It’s as though… Karking Sith! They are shooting at us.” Anakin shot forward and flipped through another series of switches. Qui-Gon sat up, but he knew better than to get in the way. They had a better choice of surviving this with Anakin at the helm. “Kark. There are too many of them.” At those words, their left engine was taken out. The explosion vibrated through their ship and down to Qui-Gon’s bones. “Fuck. We are going down. Brace yourself, Master.”

Qui-Gon grounded his feet into the floor and reached out with the Force. Focusing all his energy into cushioning their fall.

“Fuckkkkkkk!” At Anakin’s scream, Qui-Gon’s opened his eyes. He saw a sea of yellow sand, then all he knew was darkness.

——————————————————————————————————————————

When he next came to, Qui-Gon felt like he had went for a night out with Micah then put his head in a blender. He groaned and tried to open his eyes, only for the effort to be too much at halfway. He could see moving shapes, too blurred out for him to make out what they were.

“Ah. Our patient awakes. It’s an honor to treat a Jedi. Image the money you’ll bring us, once we get you up and running.” One of the shapes was moving closer to him. Qui-Gon felt a shift in the Force, before it completely cut out. “Now, let get your legs back in order.” Darkness greet Qui-Gon once again.

——————————————————————————————————————————

“Master. Master. Master!” The voice was growing louder and louder, bringing Qui-Gon back to consciousness. He let out a groan and rubbed at his eyes. Only then did Qui-Gon realized that he could feel all of his limbs this time, and only with minor aches and discomfort. He sat up and opened his eyes. They focused without much problem, though he could only see shadow in the dark room. “Master! Can you hear me?” He turned his head toward Anakin’s voice. He can make out the boy shape across the room from him. But when he moved forward, he realized that they were separated by metal bars.

“Yes, Ani,” Qui-Gon answered.

“Master!” Anakin yelled. “Master—hmphfffff.” A black shaped in Anakin’s cell jumped on him, knocking him to the ground.

“Anakin!” Qui-Gon was alert now, hands gripping at the bars.

“Get off me!” Anakin yelled, kicking wildly. The shaped moved off him and back into the corner.

“Anakin. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I—“ Anakin was interrupted again. This time by the creaking of the door.

“Well, well. Our new friends are awake at last. And very well if the spirited noises I heard is anything to go by,” the new figure said. Qui-Gon could not make out his features. But from his stature, he had to be a least a head taller than Qui-Gon. “Don’t get too comfortable now. This is only a stopping place for the recently discharges of our lovely medical facilities.”

“What do you want? You need to let us go. Now,” Qui-Gon asked.

“Haha. I do? Funny. You are not in your beloved Republic. Your rules and regulations don’t reach us for a thousand light years. Get comfortable, _Sir_ _Jedi_. And learn the new rules of life quick, or you’ll end up as supper.”

“Supper? What? Let us go now!” Anakin yelled from his spot.

“Ah. A spirited one. Good. You’ll do well in the arena. Or at least entertaining. Ben will show you the way, won’t you Ben?” The dark shape in the corner shifted, but did not move from its spot. “I’ll leave you now to get acquainted. Have fun out there. And some friendly advise, it’s “eat or be eaten” here.” With that, the stranger left, flooding the room with darkness once more.

“Master,” Anakin called. “I have a bad feeling about this. We need to get out of here.”

“I know, Padawan.” At the word Padawan, the figure in the corner twitched. What could be a head lift up from the dark mass. Qui-Gon kept his eyes on the shape. It did not move any further, but something told him that it was listening. “Did they also put a Force suppression collar on you?”

“No. They must have thought a Padawan is not dangerous enough to worth one. But I don’t feel right, Master. I cannot concentrate on the Force.”

“Drugs then. We can’t do anything until it wears off. We’ll make our move when they transfer us.”

“And after we get out?”

“We’ll discuss it then. Away from prying ears.” Anakin’s head turned at his words, now focus on his earlier assailant.

“So, you are Ben. We don’t want any trouble now. Just don’t jump on me again. And why did you do that? That really hurt. Can you understand us? That man said you’ll show us around. Have you been here a long time then? What is this place? And what he does he mean by the arena? Is it—“

“Anakin.”

“Sorry, Master.”

“You have to let Ben talk for him to answer,” Qui-Gon chuckled. Anakin will never change from that curious boy on Tatooine, even at sixteen now. He focused once again on the dark shape. Only silence greeted them. “Not a talkative one then. You can teach my Padawan a thing or two about silence.”

“Master!” Anakin protested.

Qui-Gon chuckled again, glad to find some levity. “Get your rest, Anakin. And mediate, if you can.”

“What if he attacks me again?”

“I will keep an eye out and alert you if that appears to be the case. But I do not think it will be necessary. He seems cooperative enough for now.”

“Yes, Master.”

Qui-Gon closed his eyes but kept his ears sharp. He would hear any movement that Ben make. It was harder to find his center without the Force. But years of familiarity with the exercise helped him find his focus. He needed to think and figured out a way to get them out of this mess. With that thought, Qui-Gon dived deeper.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Gasp*  
> I update again so soon? 😳 Do not expect this to be a regular occurrence though.  
> I apologize for the action scenes though. I don't know how to write that so just closed my eyes and hoped for the best.

The door opened an hour later. This time brought in three guards. Qui-Gon snapped out of his trance and focused on Anakin. The boy gave him a slight nod. He was ready. So brave, his Padawan, and so reckless. At times, Anakin reminded him so much of another man, another student. His brightest star, now lost to him out in the far galaxy. But this was not the time for reminiscing the past. It was time for him to protect the future.

“Up you get! Be good and we won’t have any problem,” one of the guards said. This must be the leader.

“Oh. We’ll be the model prisoners,” Anakin said. Qui-Gon winced. Subtlety was not his Padawan’s virtue.

“Wasn’t talking to you. Come along, Ben. Give us those hands,” the guard approached, but still standing clear of the bars.

Ben shifted and moved forward, taking small shuffles until he could slipped his hands out to the guard.

Ben was at an average height for a human, but Qui-Gon could see he was stronger than most. His lithe frame was covered in scars and bruises, and a good layer of dirt and what appeared to be dried blood. When Qui-Gon made it up to Ben’s face, pale eyes were staring right back at him, through a curtain of matted brown hair. The rest of Ben’s features were obscured behind a metal mask, curving around his cheeks and over the bridge of his nose. The lead guard moved to quickly fasten thick metal cuffs on Ben’s wrists.

“Good boy. Let’s not have a repeat of the last incident. Now, you two, get up. We ain’t got time to waste. Hands through the bars like good Ben here.” Anakin looked at Qui-Gon and moved to stand up when he saw his Master’s slight nod. Qui-Gon copied his Padawan and placed his hands between the bars. Once metal cuffs were fastened, the guard opened the cell doors. “Move along now,” he said as the walked out the door, passing the remaining guards.

Ben shuffled out first, followed by Anakin and Qui-Gon. They walked into a dimly lit hallway, just wide enough for two people standing side-by-side. The corridors were crudely dugged, the walls misshaped and full of jagged edges. Qui-Gon did not spot any security cameras nor additional guards—a good sign for their hopeful escape.

“We are almost there. Give us no trouble, and you’ll might survive another day,” the lead guard spoked again. At this Anakin turned to look at Qui-Gon. They both took a deep breathe, nodded, and jolted into action. Qui-Gon ran straight ahead, ramping his whole weight in to the lead guard. The man toppled to the ground and stayed down. Qui-Gon scrambled up to get to Anakin, but his Padawan already had the remaining two incapacitated on the ground. Qui-Gon crouched back down to retrieve the keys.

“Anakin, come. Give me your wrist,” he called after getting his cuffs off. The boy bounced to him, still high on adrenaline.

“I think one of them pressed a panic button. We don’t have much time.”

“We should be close to the exit now. Can you reach out?”

“My senses are still foggy, but I think there are lifeforms up ahead to the left.”

“That’s where we are going then. Come now.” Qui-Gon walked forward but stopped when he did not hear Anakin following. “What is it?”

“We can’t just leave him.” At those words, Qui-Gon looked to Ben. The man was still standing exactly where he was, head tilted slightly to one side.

“We do not know what side he is on, Anakin. Taking him will be a risk.”

“What side he is on? Master! He is a slave. Of course he is not on their side.”

“Things are not always that is simple, Ani.”

“It is in this case, Master. I can feel it.” Anakin moved then. He approached Ben with his hands out, palms up. “We mean you no harm. Let’s get you out of those cuffs, alright Ben?” Anakin looked back to Qui-Gon, his eyes pleading. Qui-Gon sighed and went to them, taking out the keys to open Ben’s cuffs.

“There. Now we need to move,” Qui-Gon ushered both men forward. Ben moved to follow Anakin after a slight hesitation.

It was several minutes of walking before they encountered muffled conversations. Anakin signed for them to stop, but Ben did not heed these instructions. Qui-Gon darted forward to grab at Ben’s shoulder and found himself staring at the ceiling in the next second.

“Ben! Stop,” Anakin hissed, running back to them. “What is your problem?”

Ben jolted back to put several paces between them and averted his gaze to the wall.

“I am alright, Anakin. I just surprised him,” Qui-Gon got up and dusted his tunic. “You run on ahead to see what we are dealing with.”

“But Master, what—“

“I’ll be fine, Anakin. Go on now.”

“Yes, Master.” The boy did as told, but still throwing back several glances before he disappeared out of sight.

“My apologies, Ben. But when Anakin make that sign, it means stop. We should have remember that you might not know what it meant. It will not happen again.” Ben looked at him then. His glaze was piercing, but something was not quite right. “Ben, are you—“

“Master,” Anakin whispered, coming back around the corner. “There is a docking bay ahead. It opened out from the ceiling. And there are a lot of guards.”

“Any alternative exit?”

“Not that I could see.”

“We will have to push through and get a transport then. Are you ready?”

“Yes, Master.”

“And you, Ben? You can come with us or hang back until we find a ship to commandeer.” Ben still did not speak, but he shuffled forward to be closer. “Good. Follow our lead and you’ll be ok.”

The entrance to the bay was only another corridor down. Qui-Gon spotted the first guard a couple of meter ahead. He was stationed next to a small transport—perfect for their needs. Qui-Gon crept up and incapacitated the guard swiftly. When he turned back, Anakin was right beside him with Ben.

“See if you can get the ship started. I’ll go get the release.”

“No, Master. I can do that. You stay with the ship.”

“I am not completely useless without the Force, Anakin. Get the ship moving. I’ll be fine.” Anakin still looked like he was about to protest. “Now, Anakin,” Qui-Gon said firmly, and the boy backed down. Qui-Gon turned and headed for what appeared to be the control room in the opposite end of the bay. He took out the three guards on the way and evaded the rest. It was short work before he entered the control room. But before he could take out the single operator, a shout caught his attention. He looked up to see guards started to converge on Anakin, firing off their blasters indiscriminately. Qui-Gon went into action. He took the operator out, but not before the man had keyed in an alarm code. The sound was deafening, its wailing echoing off the walls.

Qui-Gon bent down to find the ship release. Once the task was completed, Qui-Gon turned. Only to run straight into Ben. “Ben! You should have stayed with Anakin. Come on, we need to go,” Qui-Gon shouted as he ran out of the door.

There were more guards now and still more were flooding in. Anakin’s transport was taking on heavy fire. The ship’s shield wavered with each hit. Qui-Gon ducked between the supply containers, scanning for the safest path to Anakin. His Padawan must had kept an eye out, for the transport lifted and hovered over to them. This, however, alerted the guards to their location and changed the target of their blaster fire.

Anakin sent down a ladder from the ship, hovering a few paces from them. “Ben! Get to the ladder. I can’t get any closer,” Anakin yelled down. Ben did not move. He stilled stayed two steps behind Qui-Gon. “Ben! Come on!” At this, the first set of guards reached them. Qui-Gon moved to attack, kicking out the legs of one and appropriated his blaster. Qui-Gon did not like the bluntness of a blaster. It had always felt wrong in his hands. But needs must. He took aim and dispatched the next four with deadly precision.

When he looked back, Ben was still standing in the same spot, head tilted to one side. “Ben! What are you doing? Get to the ladder!” Qui-Gon yelled. Ben turned to look at him then. And it hit Qui-Gon like a punch. “Kark! Ben. It’s right in front of you. In about 5 steps and 2 meter off the floor.” At that, Ben ran forward and jumped at the ladder. When he started to climb, Qui-Gon focused back on the guards. More were coming, and Qui-Gon did not know how long he could hold them off.

“Master!” Qui-Gon turned. The ship’s ladder was stuck—its rungs were caught on another ship’s spikes, too wedged in to be easily disentangle. “You got to climb,” Anakin called down.

Qui-Gon ran for the ladder, ducking a few blaster shots before he leaped. Qui-Gon had almost caught up to Ben at the half way point when he spotted the canons being rolled up. “Force! ANAKIN! You got to move. They got canons.”

“I can’t! The ship doesn’t have enough power.”

“Use the Force!”

“I am trying.” Qui-Gon wanted to repeat Yoda’s favorite saying then, but then was not the time. He twisted to shoot down, aiming at the canons, but the measly blaster could not make the slightest dent. He was threw out of balance when the ship made a screeching groan and one of the engine shorted out. They plummeted for a second before Anakin got the ship straighten up again. “Karking Sith! Master! They are engaging the outer shields.” Qui-Gon could hear the panic in Anakin’s voice. The boy was still so young. He looked at the ship, the canons, the engaging shields, and he made his choice.

“Anakin! When I give you the chance, get out of here. Report to the Council. They’ll know what to do.”

“What are you talking about? I am not leaving you!”

“Do as I say, Anakin!” Qui-Gon focused on Ben then, the young man was hanging onto the ladder with a death grip. “Ben, you got to brace! I am sorry.”

Ben looked down at him, his eyes made contact with Qui-Gon’s nose before they stopped. Those eyes looked sad and so tired. Qui-Gon almost faltered. But he gritted his teeth and aimed. “ANAKIN, GO!” Qui-Gon yelled as he fired off two shots, severing the ladder from the ship. This time, the last view he saw before everything turned black again was Ben’s determined expression and Anakin’s ship zooming off just as the compound shield fully engaged.


End file.
